Career on the Back Burner?

At the behest of his wife, my husband has been pursuing a different employer as his current position, while solid and benefit laden, offers no room for advancement and little job satisfaction. It is one of those jobs that his father's generation would have envied, in fact his father is pretty incensed that he would like to leave. Why would he want to with a pension, a cost of living increase of 1% every two years, discounts galore at local merchants, etc. Problem is, he hates it and he'll be there a million years before he ever gets a promotion because no one leaves. It's a graveyard and he knows it.

He is meeting this week with a new employer and the HR department to discuss salary for his new position. This could be a really nice increase, a chance to work at a world-renowned hospital and opportunities to do the kind of work he has been wanting to get into. This of course is what I wanted for him. I am thrilled that he has this opportunity and especially more money, to be honest.

His brainstorming over dinner took me by surprise. He excitedly guessed at what he would likely be offered, what they would say and when he would start. Of course, I hope all of his guess work becomes reality, except for one. His announcement that with what he should be making that I can leave my full-time position and that I wouldn't need to work full-time. Uh, did I say I wanted to give up my career entirely?! Wasn't it him that up until recently said, "Britt, you know you are not the kind of person to be relegated to the barracks every day". He balked when I wanted to stay home initially after I had my daughter two years ago. In fact, we even had some pretty heated arguments about it. I reluctantly went back to the office. Now, I enjoy my work and my brain exercise that I get every day. Getting dressed for the office does have its 'feel good about yourself' perks as well.

I had only days ago mentioned to him, the idea that I had of offering my consulting skills to my current employer on a part-time basis. I thought if I could offer them my skills part-time and also secure other part-time work with other locations also consulting I would have exactly what I wanted. I would have full-time pay and the flexibility to work from home full-time and have the full say on how, where and when I worked. I thought it sounded great! Now, the idea is talked down to and something I should only seek out if it is going to be full-time.

This dinosaur is just not ready for the bone yard. I know that I can do rewarding work, balance my life with my family and earn an income and it doesn't mean waiting tables unless I want to. I resent the idea that I have to either pursue a full-time career at a full-time job with no flexibility or work at the local diner. I think taking your talents and turning them into "be your own boss" money-making is genius and I know lots of women who do it.

Does it always have to be a choice?

Your thoughts:

New Boss Woman Cometh

Yesterday was a blissful day. A day of purging closets, toy boxes and all out onslaught of cleaning. I love these days, the feeling of bagging up that which has overstayed its welcome in my closets and donating it to be adopted by the next person. I would prefer the recipient to be a person in need. The feeling of passing on gives me a lift as I put things into bags and discover clothes I thought I got rid of by accident lurking in the back corners of my closet. After I moved the clothes around I got out the cleaning supplies, the smell of clean wafted around my house.

I was just on my last carpet to vacuum when I remember what tomorrow was. The new boss's first day. I was gripped a little by the tightness in my throat recalling this ominously approaching day. I thought I had gotten over this looming emotion of "what will she think of me?" and "what will she be like?". I wanted to wear the big girl panties, strut in there with hand extended and heartily welcome her aboard despite my losing the position to her only weeks ago.

I had visions of me being the oak tree of fortitude and integrity on her first day. No worries here, glad to have her better still. Maybe she would ask me for a hand? All would see, I was the better for the whole experience. The sweat on my palms as I almost rammed the vacuum into my closet door reminded me that I wasn't quite out of the woods of post promotion -losing scorn. I hated myself for the realization.

It is amazing how I seemed to take great care in doing my hair and makeup Monday morning. Even if I did lose the position to her, I could still be the better looking one. That would really chap her! How juvenile I can be in moments of insecurity. I made sure I was pressed, polished and in early.

I sat write down and started charging through work. I chirped on and on with each call to my client base. She would see just what an asset I was. I hoped she would considering I had spent my whole drive in with day nightmares that the first thing she would do was fire me before her morning coffee so as to make an example and get rid of the one she knew would give her trouble. She got the job, no need to see me going around sulking. Yes, she would cut the fat right then and there. I would be the sacrificial lamb to the rest of the sales team a sign that she meant business about turning this department around. Either take heed or meet the same fate. That was my morning, I barely paid attention to what was on the radio over the incessant rambling and scenarios in my head. My new boss would be like Leona Helmsley as far as my imagination was concerned.

I heard this new voice over the cube walls all morning. She sounded nice. Sweet even. I dared not go over. Then, why did no one take her around and introduce her? The suspense was killing me. Around 10AM I swallowed hard and walked over. Smoothing out my dress, I plastered on a smile and peered around the cube wall. I was greeted by the Marketing Manager and...her new report.

I was wrong about today, the new boss woman starts on Thursday. All that gut-turning nonsense for nothing. It taught me one thing though. If I think I am the nirvana-like mature one in the office, I better think again. Boss Helmsley or not, I can meet her with dignity or go in swinging and lose the respect of many. I like the Jackie O. look better than the Tanya Harding look any day of the week.

When the Love is Gone at the Office

I have been working for my current employer for the past 5 years. It is actually 7 years if you count the two years I spent at their San Francisco Bay Area office. When I first started, I was a former EMT who had recently moved from Boston. I couldn’t work on an ambulance in California so I needed a career change. A friend had mentioned that one of his senior sales reps needed an assistant at his company. I didn’t know anything about working in an office or selling IT stuff but I did know I needed money so off I went to work for “Nick” answering phones and helping customers with questions.
My awkward first week turned into a goldmine. I went on to work for other reps and with the last rep I worked for I increased his sales by 50% in 6 months. Next I knew, the company was asking me to work for them as a rep. Me! I was so excited. I was in heaven. I was making more money than some of my friends who were lawyers and doctors. I couldn’t believe they paid me for this.
The “Dot Bomb” happened and I relocated back home. Now I had experience. I had clout. I had the most important thing when looking for another lucrative sales job; I had credibility and a good track record. The long hours and ulcer inducing work life were no sweat for me. I made up for it in late night outings with my coworkers drinking cosmopolitans and smoking cigarettes for dinner. As far as I was concerned, I arrived. But the Dot.com implosion continued right up until 9-11 where things got worse in the IT industry from there.
No worries, I landed back with my first company where I had started as a sales rep. The general manager at the Boston office knew me, heard of my success and was eager to bring me on board as a consultant helping his slumping sales ramp up quickly and train his current reps in a more consultative approach of which I basically pioneered in the Bay Area.
What could be better? I could be paid to tell other people how to do the work, participate when people came to me for answers and become an overpaid know-it-all. But life just doesn’t sustain that way, especially when pride and laziness are involved and I was no exception to the rule. 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant I had a meeting with general manager and the sales manager and me. I was told that they couldn’t financially sustain my position but that I brought interesting skills and knowledge to the company and they didn’t want to let that go. I was demoted (in my mind) to a sales rep again. I was not too happy to be doing the grunt work. I hadn’t done it in almost 3 years. I didn’t want to either but with a baby coming; I was in just as interesting a situation as I was when I started with this company in California. I needed money more than I needed to be comfortable in a position. Once again I reluctantly agreed.
Two years later, I hate it. I can’t do the long hours and I can’t have a cosmo and a smoke for dinner when I leave the office at 10PM on a Tuesday. I can’t even have a beer with coworkers after work without a two-week notice. After all, I am needed at home with my baby and I hate not being able to see her off to bed. No one asks me to lunch or out for drinks. I am too busy working to make up for the shortened hours. I used to be the “cool kid” in San Fran now I am the square mom. My how things have changed. I am looking for a job with a better commute, maybe out of direct sales but I come with so many caveats now. I can’t be in before 8:30, I can’t work past 5. I can’t travel a lot, and I’d like to work from home one or two days a week if I can. I really do need a flex-spending account and good healthcare. Notably, I am a little nervous. Do I still have what it takes to be the #1 sales rep in the office again? Do I want to be?
I am feeling washed up, used up and cranky lately but I am still being paid to do a job. I want to do a good job but I am wading through emotional marshmallow trying to rally and motivate. I think the key to getting through it is to just be honest about it. I am not pretending it’s okay. I show up, I do the job and I go home. I talk honestly with my friends and husband about how I feel and I keep it to myself at work. Maybe this feeling will pass or it won’t but whatever happens, I don’t want my integrity tarnished as a result of how I feel. No one admires a coworker who habitually complains about being unhappy and ‘looking’. Just because I don’t feel like a million bucks every morning at work doesn’t mean I need to make everyone around my cube feel miserable for it.

CareerMomma Goes on Vacation

The Vacationing Business Momma
I haven’t had a vacation since my maternity leave, if you’d like to call that a vacation. When the proposition was made for me and my family to join 9 other families for a beautiful vacation on Cape Cod, naturally we enthusiastically accepted. When I thought of my impending trip on the 6 long months leading up to it, my mind would drift back to my childhood. My grandparents had a beach house on Cape Cod that we spent much of our summers at. The salt air, steamed lobster dinners, walks down the beach at night, the sea air mustiness about everything you could smell, and my favorite, hydrangeas. My grandmother had a gigantic hydrangea bush. With all those memories whirling around in great anticipation, I could almost feel the sun on my face during my long miserably cold New England winter. My trip to “The Cape” would be oceanside nirvana.
I seemed to fail to comprehend all that I’d need to pack and prepare, that is up until a week or so before our trip. Traveling for two was relatively easy in vacations past. This time, I had a toddler and all the necessary toddler things to take with us on the h 1.5 hours drive to our destination. Thank goodness our travel time was short because with the entire load of luggage, toys, travel crib, stroller and all kinds of other paraphernalia I was getting worried that my small family of 3 wasn’t going to fit into my modestly sized SUV. I never thought I’d have a use for that factory-installed roof rack until now.
When I told my friends that I would be vacationing with 9 other couples, most of them with at least 1 child, I would get a look of fright from my listeners as I chirped on about my trip. “Are you sure that this is a good idea?” or “Have you done this with them before?” were some common questions I got. I waved them off. No, this was going to be a marvelous vacation, despite any problem child or personality that may be vacationing with me. The personality and problem child I didn’t anticipate would be my gorgeous little sweet baby girl. What in the world happened to this child from the time we left the house until the minute we walked up the stairs to our living quarters is beyond me. My smiley, bright blue-eyed little darling developed a severe attitude problem over the course of the next 72 hours. Frequent whining, crying and a few all out nuclear meltdowns threatened the Zen-like morning coffees that I envisioned. The only thing that seemed to work for my precious Butter Cup was stroller walks through and around town. This is great for both of us actually. She gets to calm down and enjoy some scenery and I get my exercise in. I didn’t know that I could walk 10 miles a day and still be able to stand but I have proved that I can on this trip. I gladly spent 10 bucks on silly shark-faced bubble blower at a 5 and dime in order to keep her toddler tantrums at bay one morning. Money well spent to not hear shrieking from the stroller.
I also seemed to not comprehend that the world doesn’t have Wi-Fi in every corner. I came to this stark realization when I remembered it was Monday and I had articles due to my publishers and no way to send them. A little exploring revealed that the local library has Wi-Fi in this sleepy little village-by-the-sea. I promised that I would not check work email, and I haven’t. I can’t anyway so there is no fighting it. The office will have to carry on without me. I am sure that it will anyway, despite my long list of “make sures” for my support person and my colleague who is caring for me client base whilst I beach this week.

The nirvana vacation in seaside utopia is neither of those terms but it has been fun, challenging, exhausting, hysterical and chaotic with times of relaxation and quiet mixed in. All things considered, I still wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I am however, for once in a long time just a teeny bit looking forward to the office next week and of course, sporting my new tan.

Lessons in Losing

When you lose, don't lose the lesson. It sounds trite but it is simple advice that can really change your life if it is put into application. You need to pause between the words 'lose' and 'don't'. If you don't pause, you will lose the lesson in "don't lose the lesson".

I was approached by my supervisor a couple of weeks ago. He is my supervisor now but until just 3 or 4 weeks ago, he was my peer. An announcement came out of nowhere from our General Manager that my friend had received a promotion to Assistant General Manager. I was thrilled for him. A little confused by why we needed another layer of management between the Sales department and the General Manager but I was sure they had their reasons and he deserved it. Life was good at work.

About a week later, I was approached by my friend-turned-supervisor about a promotion opportunity for me. He eagerly told me that my name had come up at the recent management meeting as a likely and stellar candidate for the open Sales Manager position. It was a little awkward for him to bring it up because as my friend, he knew that I was looking to pursue another opportunity and wasn't sure that I would want it and if I didn't how would he smoothly convey that message to the General Manager without tipping my hand that I might be leaving.

I wasn't sure I wanted it. I stood my ground on my flexible schedule. The General Manager doesn't like flexible schedules as a general rule and also demolished the ability to work from home on a regular basis shortly after she was hired. I said to my friend, "not one more hour in the office, not one". My hours are 9 to 4 and that won't change. I went on to say inspirational things like leading a team means you don't have to manage metrics and inspiring greatness corrects attitude problems and overcomes ruts. Coaching would be my staple, my mainstay. I was hired by the company originally to analyize, assess and build strategies for these sales reps. before so I had worked in that kind of role with them. They knew me. They knew me for the last 5 years. They know the knowledge, the skill, the commitment, etc. I had done a pretty good job of swaying my supervisor, as well as, me.

The next week was a high. In my mind, I had the job in the bag. So did a lot of people. Congratulations came cross-departmentally from other managers. It seemed as though the interviewing process was just a formality on the way to assention within the organization. Sure, I took my interview seriously as I would any other although I wasn't nervous. I didn't flinch when my coworkers interviewed me. Life was good at work. In fact, why did I ever think of leaving?

Last week slapped me in the face. I knew my competitor for the position was from the outside. She was a General Manager at a company who is in a related industry. Her company's focus was, however to sell to the consumer. My company's bread and butter is the B2B space. I wasn't rocked. Not until Friday when my friend had to explain to me at 2PM that the interviewing coworkers wanted to go with her. That stung. She had a lot of experience with managing people. I didn't understand why that mattered, lots of Sales managers have come and gone in my organization since I have been there and only two were effective. That is two out of about 7. The last 3 were a blur because they offered nothing and didn't even make a smudge mark on the organization as a whole.

My friend assured me that she would probably come in too high on compensation and that the position would still be mine. Great, now I am sloppy seconds. Not what I had anticipated. I was 'better than nothing'. That isn't what anyone said but that is how I felt. I didn't want to the be consolation prize. I wanted to cry, go home, be angry, hate my coworkers, withdraw. Oh would this day end already? The final hour of work just couldn't finish fast enough.

I rallied on Monday morning on my way into work. I could have the job still, it wasn't so bad was it? So I wasn't the first choice. I would prove myself then! Yes, in time they would see that I really was the best choice. They would be so thankful that it worked out the way it did.

Turn the other cheek. The second slap came so hard that I couldn't breathe for a second. Did that just happen? The conversation I heard left me feeling stunned and bleeding. "Amanda, can you set up the cube for the new Sales manager?" She replied, "Yes. Is her name Kathryn?" (by the way, that isn't me) He chirps back, "Yes". Mind you, I sit on the other side of the cube wall from Amanda and right behind my friend. So I didn't inadvertantly walk in on someone's conversation in their office, it happened right in front of me.

Still maintaining somewhat of a composure, although I wanted to run out of the office crying, I instant messaged my ex-friend now supervisor. "Not for nothing, but it would have been nice if you had taken me aside to tell me that I didn't get the position before I had to witness your conversation with Amanda." He bounded over to my cube with a half-eaten granola bar in hand, almost laughing his response through his mouth full of breakfast, "Oh, sorry Britt. Well, you know with everything that I have been doing lately, it just slipped my mind". I couldn't even look at him when I replied "OK". I wanted to leave all day. I wanted to yell, tell everyone what a horrible person he was, what injustice was done to me. I wanted to know that I didn't appreciate such a lack of respect and I wasn't putting up with it! I spoke to my coach/mentor on the way home and delivered my sad story. She simply said, "Do you think this is something you can laugh about one day?" Alyce just has a way of disarming me and helping me listen, focus and really evaluate a situation in about 2 seconds. Everyone needs an Alyce. "Maybe tomorrow, Alyce" was all I could muster but I had to take a look at what the problem really was.

I was mad because I was too over confident and proud about my accomplishments and naturally assumed that no one could possibly do it any better. I expected that my friendships at my office would earn me the job or make up for a lack of something should another candidate come along. I was wrong. My coworkers are just like me. They are tired of ineffective Sales Managers and they want change. Me too. I am not saying I can't do it or I am not capable. My coworkers want to see if Kathryn has what it takes to turn this ship around. I would want that too.

I also spoke to another trusted advisor, my coworker Dan. Dan is old enough to be my father but worldly and experienced at life enough to relate to anyone. Dan and I spoke and I, as diplomatically as I could, expressed my concern. He quelled my hesitation in embracing Kathryn by simply telling me that if I really wanted to see in our sales organization what I think needs to happen to be successful, that Kathryn has also stated similiar concerns and has conveyed a confidence that she can do it. Dan said without saying aloud, "Britt, keep your mind open and give her the fair chance she deserves". After all, I made similiar statements to lots of coworkers when new Sales Managers came in. Don't prejudge, think openly. Wouldn't I want someone to embrace me in a new job? Of course I would! The team is salty from a lot of change in its organization, she is faced with a lot. I can be a help or a hinderance, I'd rather be a help.

Dan and I also spoke about some of my personal shortcomings as of late. He simply stated, as is his way, "apply what you know". Use the skill and the knowledge you have and demonstrate that it is a successful way to do business. I can do that, Dan. Help where needed but take care of your job role first. Wise advice, Dan.

So, I met with my friend and supervisor this afternoon to go over some things we needed to cover. Honestly, he looked relieved that we didn't have to break up a friendship over the events of this month and that he was forgiven for his gaff. I was relieved too.

The lesson -dignity and grace go a long way and be open to change even if it isn't what you expected.

I am glad that I got through this with honesty, integrity and authenticity. Considering the alternative, I can still walk into my office with my head up and eager to put to action all my great ideas...for my own success...for now.

Political Incorrectness of Working Families

When Will Working Mothers Get Respect? I thought even for an edgy, opinionated writer that the title was well, a little too edgy and begging for daggered comments. Not so! I was enjoying the rather congratulatory comments, except for one. The commenter and I briefly volleyed and then one return comment crushed my spirit. Something to the effect of evaluating the working parent based on performance rather than on hours spent in the office was something to strive for but we, the United States, just wasn't there yet. Gasp! Not there yet? This is an idea who's time has not yet come? I retreated to think about what was said. Was I just too advant garde? Not even close.

Truth is, The United States business leaders opinions and practices toward the treatment of their working families is actually quite antiquated. In fact, over 169 countries across the globe have by far longer maternity leaves, guaranteed return employment even up to 2 years, government subsidized maternity financial benefits to ease the loss of income and even paternity leaves in some cases up to two months if the mother returns back to work. Those who may be scoffing at my data need only look to last month's Glamour magazine. Sweden still does corner the market on the Family Friendly government and I say Kudos to you Sweden! Not only do you give us IKEA but also hope that one day our own government will wake up around here and take a look at how other countries help their families 'across the pond'.

So how do our current presidential candidates stack up?

John McCain:
Now, I didn't expect to find some great forward-thinking ideas from the McCain camp on this topic and they didn't dissappoint. Some weak promises that soon became "No Comment" when pressed for more information. Seems as though McCain's interests aren't really for the working family, America. No big surprise there.

Barack Obama:
Ideas? He had a laundry list. A big list at that and I would be the first to slap him on the back and say, "well done" except for the fact that he has not been elected yet. We won't know whether or not he will make good on any of these ideas until he sits in the oval office, should he be elected. The other disturbing bit of info on our for-the-working-family man here is that he has yet to bring a bill before the senate. He is quite factually a novice at this kind of thing.

What is my prognosis? It is the same it always has been as far as I am concerned. Historically change at the local/state level that gets good press and has good success gets noticed nationally. When it gets noticed nationally, other states look to make similiar changes. When that happens, US government takes notice. If you doubt my theory may I remind you that I live in Massachusetts. Gay couples are more than welcome to obtain a marriage license and have an honest and legal marriage in this state. However, don't think of swinging by the convenience store for a quick pick up of champagne on your way to Town Hall for the important piece of paper, you can't buy alcohol of any kind in a convenient store here. Massachusetts legalized gay marriage and now others have or are heavily in the process of doing so. Who would have guessed it just 5 years ago that gay marriage would be a legal reality and that I still couldn't buy beer at the Quickie Mart?

Bearing that in mind, government for working families, policies to protect their rights and incent businesses to take care of them isn't at all new but it certainly would be improved.

Balancing the Gas Budget

I was greeted this morning at my cube by two members of my Customer Service team who had asked me if I saw the news this morning. I have to admit that I don't like starting my day out with the news. It is usually only bad news and I'd rather my bad news in small doses to seep in throughout the day rather than one solid hour injected into my brain first thing in the morning. The look on their faces told me that bad news was about to be shared and I'd better take notice.

The gas prices, they stammered, projected to double or triple by the end of the summer. I didn't have time for math, my Customer Service Manager did it for me. $8-$12 a gallon. Okay, is that pesos? Lira? No, that is good 'ole US dollars. With those prices, I can't afford to drive to work. I already pay more for gas between me and my husband than our food budget. In fact, I pay one and a half months groceries in gas every month. Wondering why your food bill is higher lately? Thank our oil friends. Barely made it through last season's oil bill? Start saving now.

What is a mom to do with the gas prices off the charts and a job to get to? For some, an office job does allow the capabilities to work from home or at least remotely for one or two days a week. If ever there was a time to negotiate your flexible/work from home schedule now would be a great time to have a sit-down with the boss.

There is a strategy for this. The art of negotiation comes into play here. You can ask for what you want without making it seem like a demand or an ultimatum to the head Honcho. In negotiations, both sides compromise in order to reach an agreed upon settlement. That means, you will need to be willing to give up something as well in order to reach an agreed settlement in having flexibility in your work schedule.

The most important thing to stress to the boss is that you both want the same thing. What do you both want? You want the job done successfully. That means on time, on budget and at the same performance level and quality that they are convinced they would get if you were in the office. You need to be able to convey this message first. "Bob, I want to do as great a job for you as I have always done. I understand how valuable I am to your team and I have enjoyed your confidence in me as an employee" This says: "I do a great job, you know I do a great job, I understand that my value may cause you to hesitate on my request but you are confident in me and I value keeping that." Now the situation, "The current cost of transportation to the office has caused a great strain on my finances and I wondered if we could sit down and discuss some options to alleviate that before I consider asking for a raise in salary to meet the recent uptick in my cost of living." This says: "I still love my job but I am having a hard time paying to get to the office and I would like to find a solution in order for you to not have to pay extra for me to work here." Usually, bosses are greatly open to finding a solution to any problem that does not impact their budgetary constraints.

Offer a trial period. Let management know that you can show them it can be successful in a certain time period. If it isn't, they haven't bought into anything they can't go back on. Providing flex time isn't like a committment to marriage but you would almost sense that is the feeling when it gets brought up! Ask the boss how they would measure success. Create a plan that includes what you will be doing for a flex schedule, how long the trial will be and what the successful picture would look like when you reach the end of the trial period. Be prepared with a draft of your plan before your sit-down. Overcoming objections early is key to getting a "yes". Convey that your draft is what it is, a draft. You will create a final plan that accommodates their needs as well as yours and you will both have a copy of it.

For some, being out of the office is not necessarily an option. Consider asking for longer hours in favor of a day off once a week or twice a month or the possibility of taking work home that can be done at home. If all else fails, see how carpooling or public transportation may work in getting to work without destroying your financial stability.

The news is not projecting any relief any time soon on our gas crisis. Proactively finding a reasonable solution may just help both you and your employer wade through this time without panic ensuing. You might be surprised how open Management may be to the change if they haven't been before.

If you do have success, please share it with me!