Political Incorrectness of Working Families

When Will Working Mothers Get Respect? I thought even for an edgy, opinionated writer that the title was well, a little too edgy and begging for daggered comments. Not so! I was enjoying the rather congratulatory comments, except for one. The commenter and I briefly volleyed and then one return comment crushed my spirit. Something to the effect of evaluating the working parent based on performance rather than on hours spent in the office was something to strive for but we, the United States, just wasn't there yet. Gasp! Not there yet? This is an idea who's time has not yet come? I retreated to think about what was said. Was I just too advant garde? Not even close.

Truth is, The United States business leaders opinions and practices toward the treatment of their working families is actually quite antiquated. In fact, over 169 countries across the globe have by far longer maternity leaves, guaranteed return employment even up to 2 years, government subsidized maternity financial benefits to ease the loss of income and even paternity leaves in some cases up to two months if the mother returns back to work. Those who may be scoffing at my data need only look to last month's Glamour magazine. Sweden still does corner the market on the Family Friendly government and I say Kudos to you Sweden! Not only do you give us IKEA but also hope that one day our own government will wake up around here and take a look at how other countries help their families 'across the pond'.

So how do our current presidential candidates stack up?

John McCain:
Now, I didn't expect to find some great forward-thinking ideas from the McCain camp on this topic and they didn't dissappoint. Some weak promises that soon became "No Comment" when pressed for more information. Seems as though McCain's interests aren't really for the working family, America. No big surprise there.

Barack Obama:
Ideas? He had a laundry list. A big list at that and I would be the first to slap him on the back and say, "well done" except for the fact that he has not been elected yet. We won't know whether or not he will make good on any of these ideas until he sits in the oval office, should he be elected. The other disturbing bit of info on our for-the-working-family man here is that he has yet to bring a bill before the senate. He is quite factually a novice at this kind of thing.

What is my prognosis? It is the same it always has been as far as I am concerned. Historically change at the local/state level that gets good press and has good success gets noticed nationally. When it gets noticed nationally, other states look to make similiar changes. When that happens, US government takes notice. If you doubt my theory may I remind you that I live in Massachusetts. Gay couples are more than welcome to obtain a marriage license and have an honest and legal marriage in this state. However, don't think of swinging by the convenience store for a quick pick up of champagne on your way to Town Hall for the important piece of paper, you can't buy alcohol of any kind in a convenient store here. Massachusetts legalized gay marriage and now others have or are heavily in the process of doing so. Who would have guessed it just 5 years ago that gay marriage would be a legal reality and that I still couldn't buy beer at the Quickie Mart?

Bearing that in mind, government for working families, policies to protect their rights and incent businesses to take care of them isn't at all new but it certainly would be improved.

Is The Part-Time Working Mom Really Helping?

Work from home part-time?

I am not talking about the mom who works part-time somewhere to fulfill a part-time role. I am talking about a mom who stays at home and works part-time to fulfill part of a full-time role for next to no pay so she can fill some weird void.

I have been conversing with a gentleman lately who is also pre-launch with his company. He had been asking me about my mission. He was very excited to forward me an article from the Wall Street Journal on Stay-at-Home Moms who are filling part of full-time roles by doing the work for this role that can be done via the Internet. These particular women mentioned in the article were MBAs working for $21. an hour. $21. an hour!

Why am I upset? Well, my gentlemen friend was pretty taken aback himself. The problem is this. Moms with MBAs re-entering the workforce full-time are having a hard enough time finding jobs that pay what they deserve, meet their needs in flexible scheduling and desire to accommodate their child's schedules as well. With moms working for the same job for much less than the full-timer with the same degree would make, I hope you can see the very big problem here. The salaries will decrease as this trend gains popularity. We need to move forward not backward! What in the world is going on here. Stay home or go back to work. Don't cut the legs out from under the ones who need to or want to work full-time.

What do these trendsetting companies think of this new twist on job filling? Well it is an astounding success of course! I mean, to hire a collective group at a great discount to fill one job role with no benefits is truly the best scenario that a stockholder and budget manager could ask for.

What do the women who are being passed up for a full-time job think of this brilliant plan by Corporate America? Why don't you ask one? Women @ Work Network is a consortium of local groups geared toward helping the currently at-home mom who would like to re-enter the full-time job market. On Ramps and Detours is also a Boston-based forum and conference for the same demographic. I love their mission but I see this new trend as a knife in the tire of their new car.

Clearly my stance will be controversial to some. My appeal is to the masses. Try to see this from the point of view of those who struggle in the full-time realm. It is a great struggle, if you are one of the Stay-at-Home and yet want to work Moms you obviously don't get it. There are lots of things you can do at home or outside part-time that would utilize your skills without taking away from others. You made a choice, now stick with it.

For the article:
http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2008/05/02/stay-at-homes-moms-fill-an-executive-niche/?mod=WSJBlog

CareerMomma Now Featured on Womenco.com

My name is Brittany and I am a working mother. I feel like I should say that at some anonymous meeting somewhere as at times I occasionally feel powerless over it and it does make my life seem unmanageable. You know what I've learned though? My station in life only does that when I give it permission to and when I allow people, places and things to have a say in how I feel about myself.

I have been doing a lot of research on the working mother for the last year. I've been trying to understand her, trying to get a handle on her climate in society and business as a whole. I never even thought of her until the day I came back from maternity leave to hear that my flexible schedule that I was welcomed to as a Sales Rep who had achieved a certain status at her company was being rejected. Why? Well, it seemed obvious to my supervisor. How was I going to manage all of "this" AKA work, life and my new family. How I balanced my life wasn't remotely a consideration to my employer until my little bundle came into the world on September 22nd, 2006. All of the sudden how I managed my life and my career was of utmost concern from the top down.

As I started and continue my research, I see this is a common story. It seemed interesting to me that some websites for the working mother that I went on told an optimistic story, a dawn of a new era in which the working mom was thriving. Okay, where were they working? Who were they and how come I haven't met very many? Well, they are out there. Just ask the VPs of HR where they work. Their companies are stunning examples of success for the working mother. What else would they say "No, we are doing a terrible job addressing the needs of working mothers. By the way, when are you publishing your article so I can pack up my desk the day before?". You get the point. The women that work at these beacons of Work/Life Balance who get to take advantage of such programs are not the Average Jane laborer. They are the D levels and higher.

Okay, so what do we do then? Well, I am glad you asked. You are going to be hearing a lot about that from me. I am very engaged in political action that is trying to address this concern. If you don't know by now, it is a great concern to our economy and society. Read the book Restoring the American Dream by Dr. Thomas Kochan. It will give you great insight into how serious the problem really is. I recently interviewed Dr. Kochan and you can read that article on my blog: http://www.careerparent.blogspot.com/ for more information on Dr. Kochan and his research through the MIT Workplace Center.

Lastly, I can't wait to hear from you! Your input is critical to my research and my mission to building workable solutions and aleviating some the concerns about career motherhood. There is help out there. We just need to share it and come together. Nothing changes if we do nothing. You are not a victim. Working women and mothers are powerhouses for change. Put those two titles together and gather a few million of them around a cause and you have an unstoppable army.

HOOAH!

CareerMomma Goes to MIT

If you are like me as soon as someone mentions MIT you think of skinny little guys with crazy hair and glasses that have been out of fashion for over 20 years, complete with button-down shirt and pocket protector full of pens. If you think that you are actually only partly correct. When my husband started working there I was having trouble picturing my big burly husband with a penchant for crass jokes in a sea of scurrying brainiacs who communicate in mathematical algorithms. I mean, my husband looks like every jock that picked on a brainiac in high school. As it turns out they have a world-class business school as well, Sloan School of Management which is where he works. They train up tomorrow's (and even today's) top business leaders in the world.

When I started on my endeavor with CareerMomma (or should I say, "it" literally hired me) my husband would continually ask, "What can I do to help you?". I honestly couldn't think of anything and he would look dejected when I would say, "nothing right now, you are doing a great job of being a very supportive husband". I had no idea what a great help he would be.

As I developed my idea of "What is a CareerMomma.com?" I decided to do some research and see, was anyone studying the Career/Working Mother? What did they say about them? Did they feel as I did that the Glass Ceiling that everyone told me was smashed on my way up the corporate ladder was merely covered in diapers so you couldn't see it? Well, I did find a great book on the study of working families. It is entitled, Restoring the American Dream; A Working Families' Agenda for America by Dr. Thomas A. Kochan. I wanted to give it a read and see what his research showed. I was desperate for some expert validation on what I had both witnessed for myself in Corporate America and what I had heard from other working mothers regarding their struggles to maintain homes and respect in the work environment. The book, simply put, blew my socks off!

Dr. Kochan sure did agree and then some. His research illustrates a much bigger picture than your place of work and more importantly what all this is doing to our country at-large. If you care at all about fixing the problem of work/family/life balance or our economy, for the love of Pete, get the book and read it. Don't get scared, it's easy to read. It thankfully wasn't full of terminology that you would only understand if you were in his industry. Being a visually oriented person, I liked the case studies in particular. They helped draw the picture for me.

So what about MIT? Dr. Kochan is a professor there. I had a great opportunity to be introduced to him just yesterday. Dr. Kochan was not what I expected of a professor from a leading academic institution. He was warm, charming, obviously very knowledgeable (I mean c'mon this isn't Community College) about our subject and very open to sharing his experience, and expertise. I sat in his large office, explaining what I was doing and asking questions. He had lots of books (lots of books), my little ADD brain was in over-drive and titles kept jumping out at me very time I looked at the shelves. I think I forgot half the questions I wanted to ask I was so involved in talking to him. He is very sympathetic to our cause and sees the way to change is for us to take action collectively. We can't do it alone and we can't wait for someone else to do it. Stay tuned and read the book! I'd let you read mine but it is highlighted, dog-eared, underlined and has notes and questions written in the margins. I don't think I did that much damage to any text books I ever had in my favorite subjects in school. In fact, I have never studied so hard as I have with this project. This is the best class I ever signed up for. I doubt I would have had the opportunity to meet Dr. Kochan if not for my husband, Greg.

If all goes well this week CareerParent Blog is going national! Womenco.com has asked me to contribute my writing once a week to their website. This is a great opportunity for us to get the buzz going on a national website and create more energy out there in changing working families for the better.

I'll leave you with one last thing. There was a yellow flower pot on Dr. Kochan's window sill. It kept grabbing my attention. One, because it was yellow and two, I could only see 3 letters that were on the front of it. G-R...(is that an "O"?). I finally figured it out. GROW. That is exactly what I have been doing these last few months. I feel like I have been reborn along with this project as I work with my partners to bring "her" to life. That is my suggestion to you. Want to feel inspired and renewed? Discover and develop yourself for something which you have a great passion for. You will not believe how much energy it brings to a tired mind!

Take Me to Your Leader

Here is an interesting question:

Who are the leaders in your workplace? By that I mean, who do people seem to rally around and point to when they are looking for direction on how to feel about something? Who do people talk to most often when a change in their environment occurs? It is a very great chance that it is not the boss. In fact, I have never worked anywhere where it was. It is always the charismatic/alpha personality types. Wouldn't you agree?

This leader in your workplace has a lot of power to control the organization and I am willing to bet most Sr. Execs are not even paying any attention. After all, they really don't have any leadership titles usually. Just the Average Joe or Joan at the job, right? Not so fast. The AJ's of the world do a lot to set the tone in the workplace. In fact, they can pretty well convey to others how to behave in a situation, how to respond to a situation and how to feel about a situation without even realizing it. What is even more eye-opening, I submit is this. Who the real leader is equals what the team that comes around them is like. If your real leader is negative and mercurial yet your whole team is flocking around them like the Dali Llama whenever they speak out, you have a real problem in your work culture, not just a problem person to be dealt with. The fact of the matter is, when the real leader is reprimanded and conveys his or her victimization to the followers, the followers too feel victimized because they are emotionally attached to the leader.

It isn't all bad. When real leaders realize they are real leaders they need to ask themselves this. What attitudes and believes am I projecting on the team. How can I best serve them? What things about me need to change in order to better the team. It is critical to the success of your organization. Happy real leaders, make happy teams, make better work production, make quality increase, make bigger sales, make loyal customers.

I was at a mediocre training session last night and I left a little dissappointed thinking I hadn't learned much. As I write I realize I was quite mistaken.

Here is what I suggest:

Managers Et Al; quietly study who the real leaders are in your organization. Really figure it out. Identify them. Chances are they like their position so the next step should be easy. Find a coaching program that trains and works with High Potentials. Unless my name is Uncle Sam, in a year you should see very dramatic change in your organization. By forgetting about great managerial training as a quick fix for business problems and focus on who the real leaders are and training them up to be better influencers.

If you would like some referrals to start with:

Jean DiGiovanna -ThinkPeople
Ina Jubert -Wisdom Happens
Bill Joiner -ChangeWise

Dispelling the Bitch Myth

I subscribe to a lot of sites for research purposes and to gather information. I am one of those women who likes to think I have my finger on the pulse of everything. In particular, I like to hear information from other business people as I am always seeking to perfect my skills and gain insight into how others succeed.

Last week I got a newsletter on one of my site subscriptions featuring a blog article entitled My Grandmother Was Right. Catchy title. Right about what? My curiousity of course got the best of me and I went in to investigate.

I was dumbstruck to read a blog telling her readers that Granny told her she had to make a decision. Either be liked by others or be a bitch and succeed. She goes on to write that she was recently reprimanded for her inappropriate behavior and her aggressiveness toward her employees while she was working on a project. The project got done, she didn't bother to tell us if it was done successfully or not because she was too busy spouting off about how she wouldn't have been able to complete her project without acting the way she did toward her project mates.

I have to say, without any shadow of doubt in my mind....SHE IS 100% WRONG! What was more shocking is that others chimed in on the comments with "right on sister" and other affirmative comments.

I have 10 years of experience in business. I have learned a lot in those ten years and I have made a lot of mistakes. I was one of those women who went on slaying my coworkers with sharp comments, exploding all over people when it "didn't get done right" AKA the way I would have done it, and criticizing others in an effort to get the job done. I might have completed what I set out to do in all those instances but I made quite a few adversaries and alienated a lot of people who could have helped me succeed. That kind of behavior does damage and leaves scars.

I read a book that changed my life Winning with People by John Maxwell. It was a real eyeopener and it helped me understand why I acted the way I did and what I could do about it.
I highly encourage you to read it. One principle Maxwell brings up is the Lens Principle -how I view myself is how I view others. If I see myself negatively then I will see others the same way. If I don't trust my judgement then I won't trust yours. Next, The Hammer Principle -don't swat a fly off your neighbor's head with a hammer. I was a hammer! I rode people into the ground trying to make a point. Do you know what happens when you hammer someone with your opinions and directives? They become very reluctant to approach you. Lastly, The Pain Principle -Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them. There are many other good takeaways in this book. If you work with people, are in a relationship with people, live with people, have family members, this book is for you.

What did I learn from those 3 principles? I viewed others negatively so I felt like I had to force them to do what I wanted. I wanted them to "get it" so I hammered them with my points and directions. Because I had work to do on myself I wielded my emotions on people when I felt threatened. What a recipe for disaster!

Since then, I have learned about me and learned to be with others. I build them up as best I know how. I empower them to think and lend their input and knowledge in how to do things better. I encourage them to participate. When someone has a different view, I think on it and then respond. I compliment people. When someone does a job well, I tell them publically. When someone needs corrective guidance I take them aside privately. I allow others to air concerns. I seek to esteem members on my team, members of other teams who work with me and the two women who assist me in work, daily. If I make a mistake in any of these areas I take them aside and make my amends. I don't allow things to fester. I hold myself accountable without exception.

How has this worked? Splendidly! People come to me, seek my guidance, bring things to my attention and replicate my behavior to others. This kind of relationship building builds great leaders and teams. People want to be lead by someone who makes them feel good, important and needed. I never have to hound anyone to do anything for me. They do it willingly and cheerfully.

What kind of leader do you want to be? The "go to" girl or the one that people would like to see less of. Do you want team mates who come by your desk to say "good morning" or team mates who hope you aren't around.

The choice is yours. I have been on both sides, I'll take the latter any day of the week. Good leaders get promotions and great opportunities. Bitches seeth over watching good leaders pass by them in the ladder of success.

Feeling cranky lately? Try this exercise. Find 3 people to sincerely compliment everyday for the next week. On day 3 email me tell me if it worked. It hasn't failed to make me feel so much better on day 1!