Lessons in Losing

When you lose, don't lose the lesson. It sounds trite but it is simple advice that can really change your life if it is put into application. You need to pause between the words 'lose' and 'don't'. If you don't pause, you will lose the lesson in "don't lose the lesson".

I was approached by my supervisor a couple of weeks ago. He is my supervisor now but until just 3 or 4 weeks ago, he was my peer. An announcement came out of nowhere from our General Manager that my friend had received a promotion to Assistant General Manager. I was thrilled for him. A little confused by why we needed another layer of management between the Sales department and the General Manager but I was sure they had their reasons and he deserved it. Life was good at work.

About a week later, I was approached by my friend-turned-supervisor about a promotion opportunity for me. He eagerly told me that my name had come up at the recent management meeting as a likely and stellar candidate for the open Sales Manager position. It was a little awkward for him to bring it up because as my friend, he knew that I was looking to pursue another opportunity and wasn't sure that I would want it and if I didn't how would he smoothly convey that message to the General Manager without tipping my hand that I might be leaving.

I wasn't sure I wanted it. I stood my ground on my flexible schedule. The General Manager doesn't like flexible schedules as a general rule and also demolished the ability to work from home on a regular basis shortly after she was hired. I said to my friend, "not one more hour in the office, not one". My hours are 9 to 4 and that won't change. I went on to say inspirational things like leading a team means you don't have to manage metrics and inspiring greatness corrects attitude problems and overcomes ruts. Coaching would be my staple, my mainstay. I was hired by the company originally to analyize, assess and build strategies for these sales reps. before so I had worked in that kind of role with them. They knew me. They knew me for the last 5 years. They know the knowledge, the skill, the commitment, etc. I had done a pretty good job of swaying my supervisor, as well as, me.

The next week was a high. In my mind, I had the job in the bag. So did a lot of people. Congratulations came cross-departmentally from other managers. It seemed as though the interviewing process was just a formality on the way to assention within the organization. Sure, I took my interview seriously as I would any other although I wasn't nervous. I didn't flinch when my coworkers interviewed me. Life was good at work. In fact, why did I ever think of leaving?

Last week slapped me in the face. I knew my competitor for the position was from the outside. She was a General Manager at a company who is in a related industry. Her company's focus was, however to sell to the consumer. My company's bread and butter is the B2B space. I wasn't rocked. Not until Friday when my friend had to explain to me at 2PM that the interviewing coworkers wanted to go with her. That stung. She had a lot of experience with managing people. I didn't understand why that mattered, lots of Sales managers have come and gone in my organization since I have been there and only two were effective. That is two out of about 7. The last 3 were a blur because they offered nothing and didn't even make a smudge mark on the organization as a whole.

My friend assured me that she would probably come in too high on compensation and that the position would still be mine. Great, now I am sloppy seconds. Not what I had anticipated. I was 'better than nothing'. That isn't what anyone said but that is how I felt. I didn't want to the be consolation prize. I wanted to cry, go home, be angry, hate my coworkers, withdraw. Oh would this day end already? The final hour of work just couldn't finish fast enough.

I rallied on Monday morning on my way into work. I could have the job still, it wasn't so bad was it? So I wasn't the first choice. I would prove myself then! Yes, in time they would see that I really was the best choice. They would be so thankful that it worked out the way it did.

Turn the other cheek. The second slap came so hard that I couldn't breathe for a second. Did that just happen? The conversation I heard left me feeling stunned and bleeding. "Amanda, can you set up the cube for the new Sales manager?" She replied, "Yes. Is her name Kathryn?" (by the way, that isn't me) He chirps back, "Yes". Mind you, I sit on the other side of the cube wall from Amanda and right behind my friend. So I didn't inadvertantly walk in on someone's conversation in their office, it happened right in front of me.

Still maintaining somewhat of a composure, although I wanted to run out of the office crying, I instant messaged my ex-friend now supervisor. "Not for nothing, but it would have been nice if you had taken me aside to tell me that I didn't get the position before I had to witness your conversation with Amanda." He bounded over to my cube with a half-eaten granola bar in hand, almost laughing his response through his mouth full of breakfast, "Oh, sorry Britt. Well, you know with everything that I have been doing lately, it just slipped my mind". I couldn't even look at him when I replied "OK". I wanted to leave all day. I wanted to yell, tell everyone what a horrible person he was, what injustice was done to me. I wanted to know that I didn't appreciate such a lack of respect and I wasn't putting up with it! I spoke to my coach/mentor on the way home and delivered my sad story. She simply said, "Do you think this is something you can laugh about one day?" Alyce just has a way of disarming me and helping me listen, focus and really evaluate a situation in about 2 seconds. Everyone needs an Alyce. "Maybe tomorrow, Alyce" was all I could muster but I had to take a look at what the problem really was.

I was mad because I was too over confident and proud about my accomplishments and naturally assumed that no one could possibly do it any better. I expected that my friendships at my office would earn me the job or make up for a lack of something should another candidate come along. I was wrong. My coworkers are just like me. They are tired of ineffective Sales Managers and they want change. Me too. I am not saying I can't do it or I am not capable. My coworkers want to see if Kathryn has what it takes to turn this ship around. I would want that too.

I also spoke to another trusted advisor, my coworker Dan. Dan is old enough to be my father but worldly and experienced at life enough to relate to anyone. Dan and I spoke and I, as diplomatically as I could, expressed my concern. He quelled my hesitation in embracing Kathryn by simply telling me that if I really wanted to see in our sales organization what I think needs to happen to be successful, that Kathryn has also stated similiar concerns and has conveyed a confidence that she can do it. Dan said without saying aloud, "Britt, keep your mind open and give her the fair chance she deserves". After all, I made similiar statements to lots of coworkers when new Sales Managers came in. Don't prejudge, think openly. Wouldn't I want someone to embrace me in a new job? Of course I would! The team is salty from a lot of change in its organization, she is faced with a lot. I can be a help or a hinderance, I'd rather be a help.

Dan and I also spoke about some of my personal shortcomings as of late. He simply stated, as is his way, "apply what you know". Use the skill and the knowledge you have and demonstrate that it is a successful way to do business. I can do that, Dan. Help where needed but take care of your job role first. Wise advice, Dan.

So, I met with my friend and supervisor this afternoon to go over some things we needed to cover. Honestly, he looked relieved that we didn't have to break up a friendship over the events of this month and that he was forgiven for his gaff. I was relieved too.

The lesson -dignity and grace go a long way and be open to change even if it isn't what you expected.

I am glad that I got through this with honesty, integrity and authenticity. Considering the alternative, I can still walk into my office with my head up and eager to put to action all my great ideas...for my own success...for now.