Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Character: When No One Knows You

It's interesting to me how many facets a person has. There is the Work Me, Mommy Me, Wife Me, Daughter Me, Friend Me, Sales Rep Me, then there is the me that the world sees. The world who doesn't know me. That Me is a face in the crowd. The world's only opinion of that Me is squarely grounded on what kind of experience they have with me whether it be calling a customer service line to complain about my cell phone service (or lack there of) or responding back to the checkout girl at the grocery store with "I am good and how are you?".

I am always baffled when I startle a store clerk out of their customer greeting routine by not only answering their stale "how are you today?" with "good, how are you?" and actually look at the questioner and wait for a response. You'd be amazed at the smiles and levity in the conversation during my grocery bagging time between me and the checkout personnel. They even remember me when I come in. Why? Because that Me was a good experience and they are more or less expecting that Me to come back when they see my face in the store again. They wouldn't expect any less. To them I am a "nice lady".

Let's reverse it. What if they asked the time worn question again and I responded by raising my voice and complaining that the grocery carts were all wet from being left out in the rain, I couldn't find my favorite yogurt and that there were not enough lines open at checkout for the 100th time. They'd remember me alright and they'd be hoping I didn't come in when they were working! My face in their line would be met with distress and sighing. They would think I was a miserable person who was out to make everyone in my path join me in my bitterness. What a thought. Do you think those out there that complain and shout get up the morning and say, "Gees who can I make miserable today? Let's spin the Wheel of Misery and find out! OH! It's the grocery store clerk today." You would think so if they always came in with a sour lemon face and a porcupine personality.

It can be so easy to get messed up in problems of the day, week, life and find yourself in that little self-focused bubble that helps you forget everyone around you. It seems that the worst day of your life has an interesting way of being met with the newspaper sales person who has called you at dinner time for the umpteenth time this year. Wait...pause...breathe. Boy, it would be so easy to fire off and hang up. Who are you hanging up on? A single mom who hasn't seen her kids all day working a 3rd job to make ends meet? A kid who is trying to put himself through college? A person whos best friend died just days ago? We never think about these scenarios when faced with the anonymous person who interacts with us. To us, they are Anonymous Them and we have no idea who they are. To them we are Anonymous Us, the unfeeling, uncaring person who treats them like garbage for inconveniencing us.

Next time someone asks "how are you?" please recognize the person behind the question and the job and answer with a smile. There is a person behind that face. That life that has seen all kinds of things and you just will never know where they have been but trust me, they've been there. How do I know? Because I've "been there". Haven't we all? How about a smile and a "hello" for the office cleaning personnel whom you know doesn't speak english. It doesn't matter if they know what you said or how to respond. A smile is universal, everyone knows that language. There should be National Smile Day. I think we would all feel better.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Career on the Back Burner?

At the behest of his wife, my husband has been pursuing a different employer as his current position, while solid and benefit laden, offers no room for advancement and little job satisfaction. It is one of those jobs that his father's generation would have envied, in fact his father is pretty incensed that he would like to leave. Why would he want to with a pension, a cost of living increase of 1% every two years, discounts galore at local merchants, etc. Problem is, he hates it and he'll be there a million years before he ever gets a promotion because no one leaves. It's a graveyard and he knows it.

He is meeting this week with a new employer and the HR department to discuss salary for his new position. This could be a really nice increase, a chance to work at a world-renowned hospital and opportunities to do the kind of work he has been wanting to get into. This of course is what I wanted for him. I am thrilled that he has this opportunity and especially more money, to be honest.

His brainstorming over dinner took me by surprise. He excitedly guessed at what he would likely be offered, what they would say and when he would start. Of course, I hope all of his guess work becomes reality, except for one. His announcement that with what he should be making that I can leave my full-time position and that I wouldn't need to work full-time. Uh, did I say I wanted to give up my career entirely?! Wasn't it him that up until recently said, "Britt, you know you are not the kind of person to be relegated to the barracks every day". He balked when I wanted to stay home initially after I had my daughter two years ago. In fact, we even had some pretty heated arguments about it. I reluctantly went back to the office. Now, I enjoy my work and my brain exercise that I get every day. Getting dressed for the office does have its 'feel good about yourself' perks as well.

I had only days ago mentioned to him, the idea that I had of offering my consulting skills to my current employer on a part-time basis. I thought if I could offer them my skills part-time and also secure other part-time work with other locations also consulting I would have exactly what I wanted. I would have full-time pay and the flexibility to work from home full-time and have the full say on how, where and when I worked. I thought it sounded great! Now, the idea is talked down to and something I should only seek out if it is going to be full-time.

This dinosaur is just not ready for the bone yard. I know that I can do rewarding work, balance my life with my family and earn an income and it doesn't mean waiting tables unless I want to. I resent the idea that I have to either pursue a full-time career at a full-time job with no flexibility or work at the local diner. I think taking your talents and turning them into "be your own boss" money-making is genius and I know lots of women who do it.

Does it always have to be a choice?

Your thoughts:

Monday, July 14, 2008

New Boss Woman Cometh

Yesterday was a blissful day. A day of purging closets, toy boxes and all out onslaught of cleaning. I love these days, the feeling of bagging up that which has overstayed its welcome in my closets and donating it to be adopted by the next person. I would prefer the recipient to be a person in need. The feeling of passing on gives me a lift as I put things into bags and discover clothes I thought I got rid of by accident lurking in the back corners of my closet. After I moved the clothes around I got out the cleaning supplies, the smell of clean wafted around my house.

I was just on my last carpet to vacuum when I remember what tomorrow was. The new boss's first day. I was gripped a little by the tightness in my throat recalling this ominously approaching day. I thought I had gotten over this looming emotion of "what will she think of me?" and "what will she be like?". I wanted to wear the big girl panties, strut in there with hand extended and heartily welcome her aboard despite my losing the position to her only weeks ago.

I had visions of me being the oak tree of fortitude and integrity on her first day. No worries here, glad to have her better still. Maybe she would ask me for a hand? All would see, I was the better for the whole experience. The sweat on my palms as I almost rammed the vacuum into my closet door reminded me that I wasn't quite out of the woods of post promotion -losing scorn. I hated myself for the realization.

It is amazing how I seemed to take great care in doing my hair and makeup Monday morning. Even if I did lose the position to her, I could still be the better looking one. That would really chap her! How juvenile I can be in moments of insecurity. I made sure I was pressed, polished and in early.

I sat write down and started charging through work. I chirped on and on with each call to my client base. She would see just what an asset I was. I hoped she would considering I had spent my whole drive in with day nightmares that the first thing she would do was fire me before her morning coffee so as to make an example and get rid of the one she knew would give her trouble. She got the job, no need to see me going around sulking. Yes, she would cut the fat right then and there. I would be the sacrificial lamb to the rest of the sales team a sign that she meant business about turning this department around. Either take heed or meet the same fate. That was my morning, I barely paid attention to what was on the radio over the incessant rambling and scenarios in my head. My new boss would be like Leona Helmsley as far as my imagination was concerned.

I heard this new voice over the cube walls all morning. She sounded nice. Sweet even. I dared not go over. Then, why did no one take her around and introduce her? The suspense was killing me. Around 10AM I swallowed hard and walked over. Smoothing out my dress, I plastered on a smile and peered around the cube wall. I was greeted by the Marketing Manager and...her new report.

I was wrong about today, the new boss woman starts on Thursday. All that gut-turning nonsense for nothing. It taught me one thing though. If I think I am the nirvana-like mature one in the office, I better think again. Boss Helmsley or not, I can meet her with dignity or go in swinging and lose the respect of many. I like the Jackie O. look better than the Tanya Harding look any day of the week.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

When the Love is Gone at the Office

I have been working for my current employer for the past 5 years. It is actually 7 years if you count the two years I spent at their San Francisco Bay Area office. When I first started, I was a former EMT who had recently moved from Boston. I couldn’t work on an ambulance in California so I needed a career change. A friend had mentioned that one of his senior sales reps needed an assistant at his company. I didn’t know anything about working in an office or selling IT stuff but I did know I needed money so off I went to work for “Nick” answering phones and helping customers with questions.
My awkward first week turned into a goldmine. I went on to work for other reps and with the last rep I worked for I increased his sales by 50% in 6 months. Next I knew, the company was asking me to work for them as a rep. Me! I was so excited. I was in heaven. I was making more money than some of my friends who were lawyers and doctors. I couldn’t believe they paid me for this.
The “Dot Bomb” happened and I relocated back home. Now I had experience. I had clout. I had the most important thing when looking for another lucrative sales job; I had credibility and a good track record. The long hours and ulcer inducing work life were no sweat for me. I made up for it in late night outings with my coworkers drinking cosmopolitans and smoking cigarettes for dinner. As far as I was concerned, I arrived. But the Dot.com implosion continued right up until 9-11 where things got worse in the IT industry from there.
No worries, I landed back with my first company where I had started as a sales rep. The general manager at the Boston office knew me, heard of my success and was eager to bring me on board as a consultant helping his slumping sales ramp up quickly and train his current reps in a more consultative approach of which I basically pioneered in the Bay Area.
What could be better? I could be paid to tell other people how to do the work, participate when people came to me for answers and become an overpaid know-it-all. But life just doesn’t sustain that way, especially when pride and laziness are involved and I was no exception to the rule. 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant I had a meeting with general manager and the sales manager and me. I was told that they couldn’t financially sustain my position but that I brought interesting skills and knowledge to the company and they didn’t want to let that go. I was demoted (in my mind) to a sales rep again. I was not too happy to be doing the grunt work. I hadn’t done it in almost 3 years. I didn’t want to either but with a baby coming; I was in just as interesting a situation as I was when I started with this company in California. I needed money more than I needed to be comfortable in a position. Once again I reluctantly agreed.
Two years later, I hate it. I can’t do the long hours and I can’t have a cosmo and a smoke for dinner when I leave the office at 10PM on a Tuesday. I can’t even have a beer with coworkers after work without a two-week notice. After all, I am needed at home with my baby and I hate not being able to see her off to bed. No one asks me to lunch or out for drinks. I am too busy working to make up for the shortened hours. I used to be the “cool kid” in San Fran now I am the square mom. My how things have changed. I am looking for a job with a better commute, maybe out of direct sales but I come with so many caveats now. I can’t be in before 8:30, I can’t work past 5. I can’t travel a lot, and I’d like to work from home one or two days a week if I can. I really do need a flex-spending account and good healthcare. Notably, I am a little nervous. Do I still have what it takes to be the #1 sales rep in the office again? Do I want to be?
I am feeling washed up, used up and cranky lately but I am still being paid to do a job. I want to do a good job but I am wading through emotional marshmallow trying to rally and motivate. I think the key to getting through it is to just be honest about it. I am not pretending it’s okay. I show up, I do the job and I go home. I talk honestly with my friends and husband about how I feel and I keep it to myself at work. Maybe this feeling will pass or it won’t but whatever happens, I don’t want my integrity tarnished as a result of how I feel. No one admires a coworker who habitually complains about being unhappy and ‘looking’. Just because I don’t feel like a million bucks every morning at work doesn’t mean I need to make everyone around my cube feel miserable for it.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

CareerMomma Goes on Vacation

The Vacationing Business Momma
I haven’t had a vacation since my maternity leave, if you’d like to call that a vacation. When the proposition was made for me and my family to join 9 other families for a beautiful vacation on Cape Cod, naturally we enthusiastically accepted. When I thought of my impending trip on the 6 long months leading up to it, my mind would drift back to my childhood. My grandparents had a beach house on Cape Cod that we spent much of our summers at. The salt air, steamed lobster dinners, walks down the beach at night, the sea air mustiness about everything you could smell, and my favorite, hydrangeas. My grandmother had a gigantic hydrangea bush. With all those memories whirling around in great anticipation, I could almost feel the sun on my face during my long miserably cold New England winter. My trip to “The Cape” would be oceanside nirvana.
I seemed to fail to comprehend all that I’d need to pack and prepare, that is up until a week or so before our trip. Traveling for two was relatively easy in vacations past. This time, I had a toddler and all the necessary toddler things to take with us on the h 1.5 hours drive to our destination. Thank goodness our travel time was short because with the entire load of luggage, toys, travel crib, stroller and all kinds of other paraphernalia I was getting worried that my small family of 3 wasn’t going to fit into my modestly sized SUV. I never thought I’d have a use for that factory-installed roof rack until now.
When I told my friends that I would be vacationing with 9 other couples, most of them with at least 1 child, I would get a look of fright from my listeners as I chirped on about my trip. “Are you sure that this is a good idea?” or “Have you done this with them before?” were some common questions I got. I waved them off. No, this was going to be a marvelous vacation, despite any problem child or personality that may be vacationing with me. The personality and problem child I didn’t anticipate would be my gorgeous little sweet baby girl. What in the world happened to this child from the time we left the house until the minute we walked up the stairs to our living quarters is beyond me. My smiley, bright blue-eyed little darling developed a severe attitude problem over the course of the next 72 hours. Frequent whining, crying and a few all out nuclear meltdowns threatened the Zen-like morning coffees that I envisioned. The only thing that seemed to work for my precious Butter Cup was stroller walks through and around town. This is great for both of us actually. She gets to calm down and enjoy some scenery and I get my exercise in. I didn’t know that I could walk 10 miles a day and still be able to stand but I have proved that I can on this trip. I gladly spent 10 bucks on silly shark-faced bubble blower at a 5 and dime in order to keep her toddler tantrums at bay one morning. Money well spent to not hear shrieking from the stroller.
I also seemed to not comprehend that the world doesn’t have Wi-Fi in every corner. I came to this stark realization when I remembered it was Monday and I had articles due to my publishers and no way to send them. A little exploring revealed that the local library has Wi-Fi in this sleepy little village-by-the-sea. I promised that I would not check work email, and I haven’t. I can’t anyway so there is no fighting it. The office will have to carry on without me. I am sure that it will anyway, despite my long list of “make sures” for my support person and my colleague who is caring for me client base whilst I beach this week.

The nirvana vacation in seaside utopia is neither of those terms but it has been fun, challenging, exhausting, hysterical and chaotic with times of relaxation and quiet mixed in. All things considered, I still wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I am however, for once in a long time just a teeny bit looking forward to the office next week and of course, sporting my new tan.