This blog is not for the faint of heart of weak of stomach HR Rep. In fact, what I am working on is born of the fact that I am tired of countless articles out there telling me it has never been so easy to be a working mother. From my experience, this is quite factually untrue. The Human Resource Departments of the world are telling magazines and newspaper columnists that they do a lot for their working parents. The women I talk to say "No" almost in unison.
The term 'Mommy Tracked' was something I never heard of until I was sitting in a circle with my newborn daughter at a New Mothers support group. We were sharing our thoughts on how our work lives will change as we re-enter the work force, this time with diaper bag in tow. I thought the experience I had with my supervisor was an exception to the rule. I discredited his sharp comments about "how was I going to handle the workload?" or "how was I going to make sure I was able to take care of the clients I had and take care of a baby?" and my favorite, "we had such great hopes for you and now we are concerned.." to the fact that he was a thirty-something single guy so he didn't know what he was talking about. I was so wrong. The term came out of the mouth of an Assistant DA. She said she felt as though she was now being watched carefully by her department now that she had her daughter. Imagine my surprise when almost all of the twelve women in my group nodded their heads in agreement.
The stories I have heard from other moms in the workplace mirror the stories I heard in my circle of new moms over a year ago. I continue to replay them over and over in my head. The telecommuting craze is great news...for people who aren't viewed by their employer as the primary caretaker of children. In fact, it is making it worse. Even if you can get those wonderful telecommuting schedules (and if course if your job could be done that way) it seems as though it is giving the employer permission to ask for even more of our time and valuable time taken away from by them already as we submit to our regularly scheduled work week. Now it is too easy for us to be brow-beaten into doing more when we return to our homes to see a bright-eyed little sweetheart anxious to spend time with us (sometimes for the first time today) into just checking the email one more time or making that one more phone call for fear of being asked "did you talk to so-and-so yesterday?" by the boss over morning coffee.
One of the worst stories I have heard so far was a poor woman who left her job for maternity leave and promised to return to her job in 12 weeks with the agreement between her and her employer that when she came back that she would work an abbreviated week. She returned just as she promised only to hear "sorry, there's been a change we need you here full-time". Well, the options were two. Work full-time or pack up your desk. Sad isn't it? No one even gave her the opportunity to see if she could have done the job just fine without being in the office 5 days a week. Interestingly enough, I don't know any better or more efficient multi-tasking go-getters than the working parent. Do you? Why? Because we have way more at stake than our non-parenting colleagues.
When does it stop? When does the working parent get valued in the workplace? Why is it when we need to be home with a sick child or take leave of work early to be at that soccer game that we get the look that tells us that our actions are not well-respected or thought of positively? I want to give you a voice and a say. I know you are out there and I want to hear your story. Please share it with me. I know I am not alone. The best friendships are forged in fire and change happens when 'the norm' gets to painful to stay with. Who's with me?
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Earns a Pay Check
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6 comments:
My boss and job is very understanding of having a small child at home but I find that I feel guilty as I leave for the
100th time for a Drs appt b/c my dr only sees certain types of illnesses at certain times. Why is it that they are not as understanding of a working mom's schedule. As a mom that commutes by train you are a slave to the schedule. I get all my work done but am always afraid that they will think it is no longer a full time job and start to cut my hours. But then on the other side when you get home the husband doesn't really seem to understand just how tiring it is to work and be a mom, complaining that he just can't help because he is too busy. AGH
I agree with this commenter. My boss and company are pretty supportive and flexible, but I feel a lot of guilt when I take the time off. For example, I drive in to work during a snowstorm knowing no one else from my department will be there, because I can't get work done from home while watching a 2-year-old. So I go in by myself leaving my son at daycare -- luckily nearby -- because I don't want to fall behind or appear to not be pulling my weight because I have a little one. NG
I am currently a mom who stays home, but I saw how miserable my employer would have made me if I had gone back. When my maternity leave was coming to an end, I requested that they allow me to work from home 2-3 days a week and since 99% of my job (auditor) could have been done at home, that should not have been a problem. Not only did my previous employer deny me the benefit of working from home, but they also had the nerve to extend that benefit to a male colleague who was consistently behind on his work. Why would an employer reward someone for not getting their work finished the benefit of working from home, while I was denied the benefit, even though I was always on top of my work.
The workplace is extremely unfairly discriminative against working mothers.
I have to agree that being a working mother is fraught with guilt. Not because I feel bad leaving my daughter at the babysitter's, but because I am tugged in so many directions. When your child is sick, you the mother is expected to stay home? Unless you have unlimited sick days (who does!?) it gets very stressful trying to balance taking your child to the dr. and staying home to nurture them all the while keeping up with your work.
As an itinerant teacher who has to make up student hours that I miss, I end up working over 10 hour days to compensate for the time I spend at home, but I still have to take sick time. It's very frustrating....
In terms of work-life balance, my employer is really great (one of the only reasons I still work there). I find myself in a different scenario...I have prematurely reached the glass ceiling because I work a flexible schedule. Raises and promotions (although well deserved) are not easy to come by because I work from home one day a week. Not willing to sacrifice additional time with my children, I stay. Being a working mother in America is often discouraging.
I having a very understanding employer but I also feel the guilt when I have to leave early for all of the well visits or that I can't stay late because I have to pick my daughter up before daycare closes and you never know how the traffic will be. By the time I get home it is time to feed, bathe, get some play time in and then put her to bed. Not to mention wash bottles, keep up with the bills and keep up with the household stuff. I find myself having to wake up earlier and earlier so I can get to work an hour and a half before I am required to be there so I can catch up on what I wasn't able to stay a little bit later the previous day to complete. Thank god for a very helpful husband that takes care of our daughter in the mornings and drops her off at daycare. If it wasn't for that then my day would be even more stressful. Being a working mom is no where near as easy as people think and I wish there was a way to rid the guilt of being a mom and working.
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