The Critic's Report on OnRamps and Detours Forum

I had been waiting in great anticipation to attend last week's OnRamps and Detours Forum at Bentley College in Waltham, MA. This forum was to be the "meeting of the minds" for women in the boston area on the topic of women returning to the workplace after taking a career break to care for their families. I couldn't wait to hear what was going to be said. There would be Keynotes, break-out sessions and rubbing elbows with local women in business. What could be better for a budding Working Families' Issues politician such as myself?
(cue the Star Spangled Banner, please)

Bright-eyed and somewhat bushy-tailed (I could have used more coffee and a printer that actually printed out my directions which ended up making me a little late), I practically ran into the Executive Dining Room at Bentley College. Bentley is a gorgeous small campus school that is known for Business and Financial studies. The first up was keynote speaker Sheila Lirio Marcelo, Founder and CEO of Care.com. They are a wonderful solution that helps families find quality child and elder care. I listened intently to her story of how and why she started her company. She is a vibrant, tidy intellectual who knows how to deliver a motivational talk. I was entranced, she was me I was thinking, right up until she started talking about her hours worked per day. A mere 12-15 did she say? Wow, that is a lot of hours spent at the office. I checked my program, she did have children, right? Doing my math, factoring in my hellish commute and hours my daughter spends sleeping that would equate to zero hours spent with Carli during the week. That's right, I said zero.

I was thinking she was the exception to the norm, unfortunately I was wrong. Plenty of women who spoke that day were working long hours, some had full-time nannies, or travelled very often. By very often I mean at least a week to sometimes two each month. Oh my stars!

I had recently turned down two job opportunities because I was required to be travelling a minimum of 5-7 times a quarter. That really means 5-7 times as long as nothing else comes up. That comes out to 7-9 times a quarter because, let's face facts, with Client Management something always comes up. Were the salaries sky-scraper high? You bet they were! I was just not willing to be away from my family that often no matter what they paid. To me, it just wasn't worth it. My pursuit is to help educate employers to get their heads around the idea of work/life balance not "say good bye to your family".

I realize not everyone shares my thoughts on travel and hours worked. Here is my conundrum. Do these mother/leaders in business offer real work/life balance solutions at their workplaces given that their sense of balance and involvement may be a bit skewed in light of their back-breaking schedules? I hope so, I really hope so. Otherwise, we really aren't offering much hope. It is up to us, gals, to make a better place in business for our daughters, should they choose to have children and also a career. I am convinced you can still do both. Do both sides have to give to make it work? Yes, they do. You can't pour two 2-litre bottles into a 16-ounce glass and not have a lot of spillage and mess! The point is, and I will pseudo-quote Sheila of Care.com here, you have to accept imperfection. If you want to do it perfectly, just save yourself a lot of frustration and accept that you won't. And it's okay.

Overall, the forum was wonderful. The forum's creator Meghan McCartan, was engaging, smart and amazingly hospitible despite running around like a crazy person, making sure everything was going smoothly. (I think Mom's have a PhD in that though) She brought together some great talent and tremendous role models who had very relevant things to say. The caliber of attendee was also outstanding. The group was big enough but not too large to be intimidating.
Well, done indeed, Meghan. One thing I would like to see is some Mom Business Leaders speak about successful Work/Life Balance programs for next year. I really don't feel like that happened last week.

Some sites of mention:

www.onrampsforum.com -find out more about an OnRamps forum in your area
www.forms4parents.com -founded by an attorney, legally sound agreements for childcare
www.educationandjuvenilelaw.com -specializing in Special Education law and consultation

Is The Part-Time Working Mom Really Helping?

Work from home part-time?

I am not talking about the mom who works part-time somewhere to fulfill a part-time role. I am talking about a mom who stays at home and works part-time to fulfill part of a full-time role for next to no pay so she can fill some weird void.

I have been conversing with a gentleman lately who is also pre-launch with his company. He had been asking me about my mission. He was very excited to forward me an article from the Wall Street Journal on Stay-at-Home Moms who are filling part of full-time roles by doing the work for this role that can be done via the Internet. These particular women mentioned in the article were MBAs working for $21. an hour. $21. an hour!

Why am I upset? Well, my gentlemen friend was pretty taken aback himself. The problem is this. Moms with MBAs re-entering the workforce full-time are having a hard enough time finding jobs that pay what they deserve, meet their needs in flexible scheduling and desire to accommodate their child's schedules as well. With moms working for the same job for much less than the full-timer with the same degree would make, I hope you can see the very big problem here. The salaries will decrease as this trend gains popularity. We need to move forward not backward! What in the world is going on here. Stay home or go back to work. Don't cut the legs out from under the ones who need to or want to work full-time.

What do these trendsetting companies think of this new twist on job filling? Well it is an astounding success of course! I mean, to hire a collective group at a great discount to fill one job role with no benefits is truly the best scenario that a stockholder and budget manager could ask for.

What do the women who are being passed up for a full-time job think of this brilliant plan by Corporate America? Why don't you ask one? Women @ Work Network is a consortium of local groups geared toward helping the currently at-home mom who would like to re-enter the full-time job market. On Ramps and Detours is also a Boston-based forum and conference for the same demographic. I love their mission but I see this new trend as a knife in the tire of their new car.

Clearly my stance will be controversial to some. My appeal is to the masses. Try to see this from the point of view of those who struggle in the full-time realm. It is a great struggle, if you are one of the Stay-at-Home and yet want to work Moms you obviously don't get it. There are lots of things you can do at home or outside part-time that would utilize your skills without taking away from others. You made a choice, now stick with it.

For the article:
http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2008/05/02/stay-at-homes-moms-fill-an-executive-niche/?mod=WSJBlog

Career Momma Investigates the Quest for Easy Dinner

It seems that a growing craze these days are these places where you can put together meals in little baggies and containers and then take them home and make them at a later time. I have to admit, this did somewhat intrigue me when I first heard about it from a friend, but I didn't really do much in the way of checking it out. Now I think I see one variation of the concept in almost every town. I was thinking they must be on to something, they are cropping up faster than the crab grass on my lawn. Being the investigator, I had to see what the big deal was about.

Seems fun at first. They certainly are marketing to the working family. They sell visions of you getting together with your friends, laughing and leisurely putting your week's worth of pre-planned meals into all these little containers and strolling out with your dinners for the entire week. Simply take out of the freezer and "BANG-ZIP" a gorgeous, delicious homecooked meal that your family will rave about for days on end. I mean, who wouldn't want that? I come home after over an hour of driving home in traffic in a suit to a screaming toddler who wants both mom and dinner right now and would prefer to hug me with a fresh coating of macaroni and cheese on her hands and face. The very idea of being both Betty Crocker and Mary Poppins at the same time is pretty attractive. Not to mention, the idea of me and a few of my friends preparing dinner together. Sounds like working mom nirvana to me.

Then there is reality. As I said, I am an investigator. I did my homework. I wanted to know. What is the real difference between the supermarket and preparing things ahead of time on my own and going to these little Dinner-in-a-Baggie joints. There are quite few. I can tell you, if you don't want to watch your weight, cholesterol, or sodium, run (don't walk) to the nearest one. Oh wait, you need to sign up for an appointment. I don't need to do that at the supermarket. Can you imagine needing a reservation to do grocery shopping? That is another thing, this idea is not saving me a trip to the grocer. I have to do that for everything else anyway. You can't get milk and toilet paper at these places.

I looked up the meal plans online for a couple of these places. The meals sounded delicious. Then I read on. All I can say is "WHOA!". One item was a vegetable lasagna. One portion was about 400 calories, not too bad. Fat content, 27 grams. That is over half the calorie content from fat. The sodium? How about 1247 milligrams. Does this lasagna double as a salt lick? In fact, none of the items except for one at each website were anywhere nearly in the vacinity of health conscious. You might as well just skip the "cook it yourself" step and order take out. Which brings me to my next point. Not so cheap either. $15 or more dollars per family-sized meal of 3 servings seemed to be the norm. Do the math and then add up the rest of your grocery bill. As far as I am concerned no one is saving me any time for paying for the convenience. In fact, if I ate like that every night I'd be shopping for bigger pants in no time flat.

Okay so what then? I did go online and find some rather nice options. For instance, Trader Joe's has many wonderful pre-cooked and heat-and-eat selections and they are both delicious, usually health conscious with all-natural ingredients. Trader's isn't draining your wallet either and you can get the rest of your groceries there as well. Not to mention, I love Trader Joe's staff. They are always so friendly. How can you beat that? No Trader's near you? That's okay. I also checked out a nice website by the Healthy Choice people. http://www.healthychoice.com/ They advertise their products which are reasonably health conscious and they also have a section on their site for some great and easy recipes.

My suggestion is to pre-prepare your meals just like you would do at the Dinner-in-a-Baggie joints. You will need to plan for a couple of hours whether you do it at home or at one of these places. If chopping is so bothersome you can buy lots of produce already pre-washed, chopped and ready to dump into your baggie. Besides marinating your protein for a couple of days makes the meal much better tasting. There are also rice and potato products that come pre-cooked. Just microwave and pour into a dish. You can also pre-cooked organic rice at your local Trader Joe's or Whole Foods.

We can make some healthy and rewarding meals for whomever gathers around our table for dinner without making us crazy with some creativity and a little planning. It's worth it. What you get in return is a dash of "thanks" and a heaping of time well-spent with your family all at the table. To me, that is worth the Sunday afternoon of preparation. Bon Appetit!

CareerMomma Now Featured on Womenco.com

My name is Brittany and I am a working mother. I feel like I should say that at some anonymous meeting somewhere as at times I occasionally feel powerless over it and it does make my life seem unmanageable. You know what I've learned though? My station in life only does that when I give it permission to and when I allow people, places and things to have a say in how I feel about myself.

I have been doing a lot of research on the working mother for the last year. I've been trying to understand her, trying to get a handle on her climate in society and business as a whole. I never even thought of her until the day I came back from maternity leave to hear that my flexible schedule that I was welcomed to as a Sales Rep who had achieved a certain status at her company was being rejected. Why? Well, it seemed obvious to my supervisor. How was I going to manage all of "this" AKA work, life and my new family. How I balanced my life wasn't remotely a consideration to my employer until my little bundle came into the world on September 22nd, 2006. All of the sudden how I managed my life and my career was of utmost concern from the top down.

As I started and continue my research, I see this is a common story. It seemed interesting to me that some websites for the working mother that I went on told an optimistic story, a dawn of a new era in which the working mom was thriving. Okay, where were they working? Who were they and how come I haven't met very many? Well, they are out there. Just ask the VPs of HR where they work. Their companies are stunning examples of success for the working mother. What else would they say "No, we are doing a terrible job addressing the needs of working mothers. By the way, when are you publishing your article so I can pack up my desk the day before?". You get the point. The women that work at these beacons of Work/Life Balance who get to take advantage of such programs are not the Average Jane laborer. They are the D levels and higher.

Okay, so what do we do then? Well, I am glad you asked. You are going to be hearing a lot about that from me. I am very engaged in political action that is trying to address this concern. If you don't know by now, it is a great concern to our economy and society. Read the book Restoring the American Dream by Dr. Thomas Kochan. It will give you great insight into how serious the problem really is. I recently interviewed Dr. Kochan and you can read that article on my blog: http://www.careerparent.blogspot.com/ for more information on Dr. Kochan and his research through the MIT Workplace Center.

Lastly, I can't wait to hear from you! Your input is critical to my research and my mission to building workable solutions and aleviating some the concerns about career motherhood. There is help out there. We just need to share it and come together. Nothing changes if we do nothing. You are not a victim. Working women and mothers are powerhouses for change. Put those two titles together and gather a few million of them around a cause and you have an unstoppable army.

HOOAH!

CareerMomma Goes to MIT

If you are like me as soon as someone mentions MIT you think of skinny little guys with crazy hair and glasses that have been out of fashion for over 20 years, complete with button-down shirt and pocket protector full of pens. If you think that you are actually only partly correct. When my husband started working there I was having trouble picturing my big burly husband with a penchant for crass jokes in a sea of scurrying brainiacs who communicate in mathematical algorithms. I mean, my husband looks like every jock that picked on a brainiac in high school. As it turns out they have a world-class business school as well, Sloan School of Management which is where he works. They train up tomorrow's (and even today's) top business leaders in the world.

When I started on my endeavor with CareerMomma (or should I say, "it" literally hired me) my husband would continually ask, "What can I do to help you?". I honestly couldn't think of anything and he would look dejected when I would say, "nothing right now, you are doing a great job of being a very supportive husband". I had no idea what a great help he would be.

As I developed my idea of "What is a CareerMomma.com?" I decided to do some research and see, was anyone studying the Career/Working Mother? What did they say about them? Did they feel as I did that the Glass Ceiling that everyone told me was smashed on my way up the corporate ladder was merely covered in diapers so you couldn't see it? Well, I did find a great book on the study of working families. It is entitled, Restoring the American Dream; A Working Families' Agenda for America by Dr. Thomas A. Kochan. I wanted to give it a read and see what his research showed. I was desperate for some expert validation on what I had both witnessed for myself in Corporate America and what I had heard from other working mothers regarding their struggles to maintain homes and respect in the work environment. The book, simply put, blew my socks off!

Dr. Kochan sure did agree and then some. His research illustrates a much bigger picture than your place of work and more importantly what all this is doing to our country at-large. If you care at all about fixing the problem of work/family/life balance or our economy, for the love of Pete, get the book and read it. Don't get scared, it's easy to read. It thankfully wasn't full of terminology that you would only understand if you were in his industry. Being a visually oriented person, I liked the case studies in particular. They helped draw the picture for me.

So what about MIT? Dr. Kochan is a professor there. I had a great opportunity to be introduced to him just yesterday. Dr. Kochan was not what I expected of a professor from a leading academic institution. He was warm, charming, obviously very knowledgeable (I mean c'mon this isn't Community College) about our subject and very open to sharing his experience, and expertise. I sat in his large office, explaining what I was doing and asking questions. He had lots of books (lots of books), my little ADD brain was in over-drive and titles kept jumping out at me very time I looked at the shelves. I think I forgot half the questions I wanted to ask I was so involved in talking to him. He is very sympathetic to our cause and sees the way to change is for us to take action collectively. We can't do it alone and we can't wait for someone else to do it. Stay tuned and read the book! I'd let you read mine but it is highlighted, dog-eared, underlined and has notes and questions written in the margins. I don't think I did that much damage to any text books I ever had in my favorite subjects in school. In fact, I have never studied so hard as I have with this project. This is the best class I ever signed up for. I doubt I would have had the opportunity to meet Dr. Kochan if not for my husband, Greg.

If all goes well this week CareerParent Blog is going national! Womenco.com has asked me to contribute my writing once a week to their website. This is a great opportunity for us to get the buzz going on a national website and create more energy out there in changing working families for the better.

I'll leave you with one last thing. There was a yellow flower pot on Dr. Kochan's window sill. It kept grabbing my attention. One, because it was yellow and two, I could only see 3 letters that were on the front of it. G-R...(is that an "O"?). I finally figured it out. GROW. That is exactly what I have been doing these last few months. I feel like I have been reborn along with this project as I work with my partners to bring "her" to life. That is my suggestion to you. Want to feel inspired and renewed? Discover and develop yourself for something which you have a great passion for. You will not believe how much energy it brings to a tired mind!

Take Me to Your Leader

Here is an interesting question:

Who are the leaders in your workplace? By that I mean, who do people seem to rally around and point to when they are looking for direction on how to feel about something? Who do people talk to most often when a change in their environment occurs? It is a very great chance that it is not the boss. In fact, I have never worked anywhere where it was. It is always the charismatic/alpha personality types. Wouldn't you agree?

This leader in your workplace has a lot of power to control the organization and I am willing to bet most Sr. Execs are not even paying any attention. After all, they really don't have any leadership titles usually. Just the Average Joe or Joan at the job, right? Not so fast. The AJ's of the world do a lot to set the tone in the workplace. In fact, they can pretty well convey to others how to behave in a situation, how to respond to a situation and how to feel about a situation without even realizing it. What is even more eye-opening, I submit is this. Who the real leader is equals what the team that comes around them is like. If your real leader is negative and mercurial yet your whole team is flocking around them like the Dali Llama whenever they speak out, you have a real problem in your work culture, not just a problem person to be dealt with. The fact of the matter is, when the real leader is reprimanded and conveys his or her victimization to the followers, the followers too feel victimized because they are emotionally attached to the leader.

It isn't all bad. When real leaders realize they are real leaders they need to ask themselves this. What attitudes and believes am I projecting on the team. How can I best serve them? What things about me need to change in order to better the team. It is critical to the success of your organization. Happy real leaders, make happy teams, make better work production, make quality increase, make bigger sales, make loyal customers.

I was at a mediocre training session last night and I left a little dissappointed thinking I hadn't learned much. As I write I realize I was quite mistaken.

Here is what I suggest:

Managers Et Al; quietly study who the real leaders are in your organization. Really figure it out. Identify them. Chances are they like their position so the next step should be easy. Find a coaching program that trains and works with High Potentials. Unless my name is Uncle Sam, in a year you should see very dramatic change in your organization. By forgetting about great managerial training as a quick fix for business problems and focus on who the real leaders are and training them up to be better influencers.

If you would like some referrals to start with:

Jean DiGiovanna -ThinkPeople
Ina Jubert -Wisdom Happens
Bill Joiner -ChangeWise

Dispelling the Bitch Myth

I subscribe to a lot of sites for research purposes and to gather information. I am one of those women who likes to think I have my finger on the pulse of everything. In particular, I like to hear information from other business people as I am always seeking to perfect my skills and gain insight into how others succeed.

Last week I got a newsletter on one of my site subscriptions featuring a blog article entitled My Grandmother Was Right. Catchy title. Right about what? My curiousity of course got the best of me and I went in to investigate.

I was dumbstruck to read a blog telling her readers that Granny told her she had to make a decision. Either be liked by others or be a bitch and succeed. She goes on to write that she was recently reprimanded for her inappropriate behavior and her aggressiveness toward her employees while she was working on a project. The project got done, she didn't bother to tell us if it was done successfully or not because she was too busy spouting off about how she wouldn't have been able to complete her project without acting the way she did toward her project mates.

I have to say, without any shadow of doubt in my mind....SHE IS 100% WRONG! What was more shocking is that others chimed in on the comments with "right on sister" and other affirmative comments.

I have 10 years of experience in business. I have learned a lot in those ten years and I have made a lot of mistakes. I was one of those women who went on slaying my coworkers with sharp comments, exploding all over people when it "didn't get done right" AKA the way I would have done it, and criticizing others in an effort to get the job done. I might have completed what I set out to do in all those instances but I made quite a few adversaries and alienated a lot of people who could have helped me succeed. That kind of behavior does damage and leaves scars.

I read a book that changed my life Winning with People by John Maxwell. It was a real eyeopener and it helped me understand why I acted the way I did and what I could do about it.
I highly encourage you to read it. One principle Maxwell brings up is the Lens Principle -how I view myself is how I view others. If I see myself negatively then I will see others the same way. If I don't trust my judgement then I won't trust yours. Next, The Hammer Principle -don't swat a fly off your neighbor's head with a hammer. I was a hammer! I rode people into the ground trying to make a point. Do you know what happens when you hammer someone with your opinions and directives? They become very reluctant to approach you. Lastly, The Pain Principle -Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them. There are many other good takeaways in this book. If you work with people, are in a relationship with people, live with people, have family members, this book is for you.

What did I learn from those 3 principles? I viewed others negatively so I felt like I had to force them to do what I wanted. I wanted them to "get it" so I hammered them with my points and directions. Because I had work to do on myself I wielded my emotions on people when I felt threatened. What a recipe for disaster!

Since then, I have learned about me and learned to be with others. I build them up as best I know how. I empower them to think and lend their input and knowledge in how to do things better. I encourage them to participate. When someone has a different view, I think on it and then respond. I compliment people. When someone does a job well, I tell them publically. When someone needs corrective guidance I take them aside privately. I allow others to air concerns. I seek to esteem members on my team, members of other teams who work with me and the two women who assist me in work, daily. If I make a mistake in any of these areas I take them aside and make my amends. I don't allow things to fester. I hold myself accountable without exception.

How has this worked? Splendidly! People come to me, seek my guidance, bring things to my attention and replicate my behavior to others. This kind of relationship building builds great leaders and teams. People want to be lead by someone who makes them feel good, important and needed. I never have to hound anyone to do anything for me. They do it willingly and cheerfully.

What kind of leader do you want to be? The "go to" girl or the one that people would like to see less of. Do you want team mates who come by your desk to say "good morning" or team mates who hope you aren't around.

The choice is yours. I have been on both sides, I'll take the latter any day of the week. Good leaders get promotions and great opportunities. Bitches seeth over watching good leaders pass by them in the ladder of success.

Feeling cranky lately? Try this exercise. Find 3 people to sincerely compliment everyday for the next week. On day 3 email me tell me if it worked. It hasn't failed to make me feel so much better on day 1!