Lessons in Losing

When you lose, don't lose the lesson. It sounds trite but it is simple advice that can really change your life if it is put into application. You need to pause between the words 'lose' and 'don't'. If you don't pause, you will lose the lesson in "don't lose the lesson".

I was approached by my supervisor a couple of weeks ago. He is my supervisor now but until just 3 or 4 weeks ago, he was my peer. An announcement came out of nowhere from our General Manager that my friend had received a promotion to Assistant General Manager. I was thrilled for him. A little confused by why we needed another layer of management between the Sales department and the General Manager but I was sure they had their reasons and he deserved it. Life was good at work.

About a week later, I was approached by my friend-turned-supervisor about a promotion opportunity for me. He eagerly told me that my name had come up at the recent management meeting as a likely and stellar candidate for the open Sales Manager position. It was a little awkward for him to bring it up because as my friend, he knew that I was looking to pursue another opportunity and wasn't sure that I would want it and if I didn't how would he smoothly convey that message to the General Manager without tipping my hand that I might be leaving.

I wasn't sure I wanted it. I stood my ground on my flexible schedule. The General Manager doesn't like flexible schedules as a general rule and also demolished the ability to work from home on a regular basis shortly after she was hired. I said to my friend, "not one more hour in the office, not one". My hours are 9 to 4 and that won't change. I went on to say inspirational things like leading a team means you don't have to manage metrics and inspiring greatness corrects attitude problems and overcomes ruts. Coaching would be my staple, my mainstay. I was hired by the company originally to analyize, assess and build strategies for these sales reps. before so I had worked in that kind of role with them. They knew me. They knew me for the last 5 years. They know the knowledge, the skill, the commitment, etc. I had done a pretty good job of swaying my supervisor, as well as, me.

The next week was a high. In my mind, I had the job in the bag. So did a lot of people. Congratulations came cross-departmentally from other managers. It seemed as though the interviewing process was just a formality on the way to assention within the organization. Sure, I took my interview seriously as I would any other although I wasn't nervous. I didn't flinch when my coworkers interviewed me. Life was good at work. In fact, why did I ever think of leaving?

Last week slapped me in the face. I knew my competitor for the position was from the outside. She was a General Manager at a company who is in a related industry. Her company's focus was, however to sell to the consumer. My company's bread and butter is the B2B space. I wasn't rocked. Not until Friday when my friend had to explain to me at 2PM that the interviewing coworkers wanted to go with her. That stung. She had a lot of experience with managing people. I didn't understand why that mattered, lots of Sales managers have come and gone in my organization since I have been there and only two were effective. That is two out of about 7. The last 3 were a blur because they offered nothing and didn't even make a smudge mark on the organization as a whole.

My friend assured me that she would probably come in too high on compensation and that the position would still be mine. Great, now I am sloppy seconds. Not what I had anticipated. I was 'better than nothing'. That isn't what anyone said but that is how I felt. I didn't want to the be consolation prize. I wanted to cry, go home, be angry, hate my coworkers, withdraw. Oh would this day end already? The final hour of work just couldn't finish fast enough.

I rallied on Monday morning on my way into work. I could have the job still, it wasn't so bad was it? So I wasn't the first choice. I would prove myself then! Yes, in time they would see that I really was the best choice. They would be so thankful that it worked out the way it did.

Turn the other cheek. The second slap came so hard that I couldn't breathe for a second. Did that just happen? The conversation I heard left me feeling stunned and bleeding. "Amanda, can you set up the cube for the new Sales manager?" She replied, "Yes. Is her name Kathryn?" (by the way, that isn't me) He chirps back, "Yes". Mind you, I sit on the other side of the cube wall from Amanda and right behind my friend. So I didn't inadvertantly walk in on someone's conversation in their office, it happened right in front of me.

Still maintaining somewhat of a composure, although I wanted to run out of the office crying, I instant messaged my ex-friend now supervisor. "Not for nothing, but it would have been nice if you had taken me aside to tell me that I didn't get the position before I had to witness your conversation with Amanda." He bounded over to my cube with a half-eaten granola bar in hand, almost laughing his response through his mouth full of breakfast, "Oh, sorry Britt. Well, you know with everything that I have been doing lately, it just slipped my mind". I couldn't even look at him when I replied "OK". I wanted to leave all day. I wanted to yell, tell everyone what a horrible person he was, what injustice was done to me. I wanted to know that I didn't appreciate such a lack of respect and I wasn't putting up with it! I spoke to my coach/mentor on the way home and delivered my sad story. She simply said, "Do you think this is something you can laugh about one day?" Alyce just has a way of disarming me and helping me listen, focus and really evaluate a situation in about 2 seconds. Everyone needs an Alyce. "Maybe tomorrow, Alyce" was all I could muster but I had to take a look at what the problem really was.

I was mad because I was too over confident and proud about my accomplishments and naturally assumed that no one could possibly do it any better. I expected that my friendships at my office would earn me the job or make up for a lack of something should another candidate come along. I was wrong. My coworkers are just like me. They are tired of ineffective Sales Managers and they want change. Me too. I am not saying I can't do it or I am not capable. My coworkers want to see if Kathryn has what it takes to turn this ship around. I would want that too.

I also spoke to another trusted advisor, my coworker Dan. Dan is old enough to be my father but worldly and experienced at life enough to relate to anyone. Dan and I spoke and I, as diplomatically as I could, expressed my concern. He quelled my hesitation in embracing Kathryn by simply telling me that if I really wanted to see in our sales organization what I think needs to happen to be successful, that Kathryn has also stated similiar concerns and has conveyed a confidence that she can do it. Dan said without saying aloud, "Britt, keep your mind open and give her the fair chance she deserves". After all, I made similiar statements to lots of coworkers when new Sales Managers came in. Don't prejudge, think openly. Wouldn't I want someone to embrace me in a new job? Of course I would! The team is salty from a lot of change in its organization, she is faced with a lot. I can be a help or a hinderance, I'd rather be a help.

Dan and I also spoke about some of my personal shortcomings as of late. He simply stated, as is his way, "apply what you know". Use the skill and the knowledge you have and demonstrate that it is a successful way to do business. I can do that, Dan. Help where needed but take care of your job role first. Wise advice, Dan.

So, I met with my friend and supervisor this afternoon to go over some things we needed to cover. Honestly, he looked relieved that we didn't have to break up a friendship over the events of this month and that he was forgiven for his gaff. I was relieved too.

The lesson -dignity and grace go a long way and be open to change even if it isn't what you expected.

I am glad that I got through this with honesty, integrity and authenticity. Considering the alternative, I can still walk into my office with my head up and eager to put to action all my great ideas...for my own success...for now.

Political Incorrectness of Working Families

When Will Working Mothers Get Respect? I thought even for an edgy, opinionated writer that the title was well, a little too edgy and begging for daggered comments. Not so! I was enjoying the rather congratulatory comments, except for one. The commenter and I briefly volleyed and then one return comment crushed my spirit. Something to the effect of evaluating the working parent based on performance rather than on hours spent in the office was something to strive for but we, the United States, just wasn't there yet. Gasp! Not there yet? This is an idea who's time has not yet come? I retreated to think about what was said. Was I just too advant garde? Not even close.

Truth is, The United States business leaders opinions and practices toward the treatment of their working families is actually quite antiquated. In fact, over 169 countries across the globe have by far longer maternity leaves, guaranteed return employment even up to 2 years, government subsidized maternity financial benefits to ease the loss of income and even paternity leaves in some cases up to two months if the mother returns back to work. Those who may be scoffing at my data need only look to last month's Glamour magazine. Sweden still does corner the market on the Family Friendly government and I say Kudos to you Sweden! Not only do you give us IKEA but also hope that one day our own government will wake up around here and take a look at how other countries help their families 'across the pond'.

So how do our current presidential candidates stack up?

John McCain:
Now, I didn't expect to find some great forward-thinking ideas from the McCain camp on this topic and they didn't dissappoint. Some weak promises that soon became "No Comment" when pressed for more information. Seems as though McCain's interests aren't really for the working family, America. No big surprise there.

Barack Obama:
Ideas? He had a laundry list. A big list at that and I would be the first to slap him on the back and say, "well done" except for the fact that he has not been elected yet. We won't know whether or not he will make good on any of these ideas until he sits in the oval office, should he be elected. The other disturbing bit of info on our for-the-working-family man here is that he has yet to bring a bill before the senate. He is quite factually a novice at this kind of thing.

What is my prognosis? It is the same it always has been as far as I am concerned. Historically change at the local/state level that gets good press and has good success gets noticed nationally. When it gets noticed nationally, other states look to make similiar changes. When that happens, US government takes notice. If you doubt my theory may I remind you that I live in Massachusetts. Gay couples are more than welcome to obtain a marriage license and have an honest and legal marriage in this state. However, don't think of swinging by the convenience store for a quick pick up of champagne on your way to Town Hall for the important piece of paper, you can't buy alcohol of any kind in a convenient store here. Massachusetts legalized gay marriage and now others have or are heavily in the process of doing so. Who would have guessed it just 5 years ago that gay marriage would be a legal reality and that I still couldn't buy beer at the Quickie Mart?

Bearing that in mind, government for working families, policies to protect their rights and incent businesses to take care of them isn't at all new but it certainly would be improved.

Balancing the Gas Budget

I was greeted this morning at my cube by two members of my Customer Service team who had asked me if I saw the news this morning. I have to admit that I don't like starting my day out with the news. It is usually only bad news and I'd rather my bad news in small doses to seep in throughout the day rather than one solid hour injected into my brain first thing in the morning. The look on their faces told me that bad news was about to be shared and I'd better take notice.

The gas prices, they stammered, projected to double or triple by the end of the summer. I didn't have time for math, my Customer Service Manager did it for me. $8-$12 a gallon. Okay, is that pesos? Lira? No, that is good 'ole US dollars. With those prices, I can't afford to drive to work. I already pay more for gas between me and my husband than our food budget. In fact, I pay one and a half months groceries in gas every month. Wondering why your food bill is higher lately? Thank our oil friends. Barely made it through last season's oil bill? Start saving now.

What is a mom to do with the gas prices off the charts and a job to get to? For some, an office job does allow the capabilities to work from home or at least remotely for one or two days a week. If ever there was a time to negotiate your flexible/work from home schedule now would be a great time to have a sit-down with the boss.

There is a strategy for this. The art of negotiation comes into play here. You can ask for what you want without making it seem like a demand or an ultimatum to the head Honcho. In negotiations, both sides compromise in order to reach an agreed upon settlement. That means, you will need to be willing to give up something as well in order to reach an agreed settlement in having flexibility in your work schedule.

The most important thing to stress to the boss is that you both want the same thing. What do you both want? You want the job done successfully. That means on time, on budget and at the same performance level and quality that they are convinced they would get if you were in the office. You need to be able to convey this message first. "Bob, I want to do as great a job for you as I have always done. I understand how valuable I am to your team and I have enjoyed your confidence in me as an employee" This says: "I do a great job, you know I do a great job, I understand that my value may cause you to hesitate on my request but you are confident in me and I value keeping that." Now the situation, "The current cost of transportation to the office has caused a great strain on my finances and I wondered if we could sit down and discuss some options to alleviate that before I consider asking for a raise in salary to meet the recent uptick in my cost of living." This says: "I still love my job but I am having a hard time paying to get to the office and I would like to find a solution in order for you to not have to pay extra for me to work here." Usually, bosses are greatly open to finding a solution to any problem that does not impact their budgetary constraints.

Offer a trial period. Let management know that you can show them it can be successful in a certain time period. If it isn't, they haven't bought into anything they can't go back on. Providing flex time isn't like a committment to marriage but you would almost sense that is the feeling when it gets brought up! Ask the boss how they would measure success. Create a plan that includes what you will be doing for a flex schedule, how long the trial will be and what the successful picture would look like when you reach the end of the trial period. Be prepared with a draft of your plan before your sit-down. Overcoming objections early is key to getting a "yes". Convey that your draft is what it is, a draft. You will create a final plan that accommodates their needs as well as yours and you will both have a copy of it.

For some, being out of the office is not necessarily an option. Consider asking for longer hours in favor of a day off once a week or twice a month or the possibility of taking work home that can be done at home. If all else fails, see how carpooling or public transportation may work in getting to work without destroying your financial stability.

The news is not projecting any relief any time soon on our gas crisis. Proactively finding a reasonable solution may just help both you and your employer wade through this time without panic ensuing. You might be surprised how open Management may be to the change if they haven't been before.

If you do have success, please share it with me!